


Don't Turn Your Back On Me

by vilnolin



Series: X5REVISED [4]
Category: Dark Angel
Genre: F/M, x5revised
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-23
Updated: 2010-08-23
Packaged: 2017-11-29 00:25:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/680576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vilnolin/pseuds/vilnolin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Apparently, Alec isn't 'Always Alright'. Interlude to Two.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Turn Your Back On Me

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers: Two  
> Warning: Species-ism, Manticore abuse  
> Disclaimer: I do not own Dark Angel. All original characters belong to me, all rights reserved and all lefts reversed. Lyrics belong to Linkin Park  
>   
> reformat/edit: 22.7.14

  
_I am a little bit of loneliness a little bit of disregard  
Handful of complaints,  
but I can't help the fact that everyone can see these scars.  
I am what I want you to want, what I want you to feel;  
But it's like no matter what I do,   
I can't convince you to just believe this is real.  
So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do,  
Face away and pretend that I'm not,  
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I got._  
  
            It wasn’t  _his_  fault that Max had an inability to pick a mark that someone hadn’t already chosen. And it certainly wasn’t his fault that she had been unwilling, or unable to split the possible take (which was now impossible, as the baseball had gone tumbling away). Alec gave a heaving sigh, and glanced around the sparse apartment that he had been squatting in for the past couple of weeks. Yeah, Max had that messenger job, which had gotten her a sector pass (and it was looking more and more like he was going to need one, the constant sneaking around was starting to give him a complex), but a nine-to-five? Manticore didn’t exactly train him for one of those. Granted, with how lazy she seemed to be, he doubted the hours were exactly that, but still, his point was valid.  
            He wouldn’t even seek her out so much if he wasn’t so lonely all the time. Even that rang false in his mind, as he downed another glass of scotch, attempting to block out the  _real_ reason he sought her out. It all circled back to Sam, X5R-453, the twin that Max didn’t even know about. And Alec wasn’t about to tell her that seeing Max stirred something in him that he had given up on since Sam had chosen Lane to be her mate during her first heat cycle at the age of thirteen.  
            He adamantly denied it was a crush. It just couldn’t be. Manticore had wiped that out of him after his last solo mission, the one failure on his record.  
 _Well, that’s not exactly accurate…I’m pretty sure this whole ‘kill Eyes Only’ thing was a wash too…_  He shook his head, downing the rest of his scotch, and starting on his fourth. It was probably going to take the spare bottle he had stashed away to get him drunk enough to pass out tonight.  The way Max had shuddered when he had brought up Manticore still haunted him; he couldn’t understand her absolute refusal to acknowledge their roots, their  _heritage_ , as fucked up as it was.  
            Didn’t she understand that X5s (and most transgenics) were designed to be social animals? That they (he) needed someone who was like themselves, not judging them?  
            Well, that wasn’t going to happen. From every interaction he had with her had made that abundantly clear. And all she could do was complain about him—she didn’t even know him! The sound of glass clattering to the floor startled him out of his thoughts. Blood was trickling down his wrist, and it was stinging with the remainder of the scotch dripping into the glass.  
            Funny, he wasn’t aware she got under his skin so much. But she was all he had out here, her and that dog-boy she clung to. He wasn’t even going to comment on those  _humans_ she was slumming with…but he could forgive that, considering her niner status; she just didn’t know better.  He stood up, intending to grab some towels when there was a knock on the door.  
            His first thought was that Max had somehow found him, but then he scented the air from around the door, trying to filter out his own blood, and the burn of the alcohol on his nose.  
            At first he thought he was imagining it, because it smelled like  _himself_ , but then a deeper voice spoke, a tad hesitantly, saying “494?”   
            Relief flooded through Alec, and he pulled open the door to reveal… “Felix…why is Keegan unconscious?”  
            The bear enhanced clone shifted his weight, holding the unconscious female in his arms, looking slightly uncomfortable. “She’s…not taking the outside world too well. Nearly killed a…pimp? Hell, I nearly killed him too.” He shifted her into a more comfortable position, using his free hand to brush some of her hair out of her face. “Humans are some crazy breed of sick.”  
            Alec stepped back, allowing them into the dingy apartment, and feeling surprisingly relieved just to have them there, even if Keegan was out cold. “Yeah, I know.” He gestured towards the beaten up couch, watching as Felix expertly avoided the glass and spilled scotch on the floor. “How’d you find me?”  
            X5R-496 shot him a look even as he placed his partner down. “I was designed to track people by scent; how the fuck do you think I found you? You should get the glass out of your hand, by the way.”  
            Alec nodded, allowing a small smirk to cross his face, even as he plucked a small fragment of his glass out of his hand. “Remind me to never try running from you.”  
            “No one has done so successfully yet.” Felix looked vaguely proud. “I did my job well after they broke us to solo missions.”  
            However, there was sadness to his voice. Alec stepped forward, placing a hand on his second in command’s shoulder. “What’s going on, man?”  
            Felix glanced back at Keegan before he answered. “Have you seen anyone else? From the unit, I mean.” He looked almost…well, blank. Alec was used to Felix being blank-faced; the transgenic operated under the principal that being drugged prevented him from remembering most of the hell he had lived through, and prevented further emotional scarring, but there were none of the ‘vitamins’ here. They had burned down with Manticore.  
            “What are you on?” It was the first question that popped into Alec’s head, because he _couldn’t sense his clone_. Not a single stray emotion. And that was damn near terrifying.  
            “Nothing.” Felix fixed him with a hard stare. “I don’t think I can handle being out here, either. I shut down, Alec; I had to keep us alive and Keegan certainly isn’t being subtle.”  
            Alec allowed himself to fall into his recliner, his undamaged hand covering his face. “If you’re giving 105 lessons on subtly, there’s an issue.”  
            “If I had a choice, I’d nuke this fucking city off the map, but apparently that isn’t in the cards.” Felix monotoned, sitting on the floor as close to Keegan as he could. “‘Never again will you find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.’”  
            “Isn’t that from  _Star Trek_?” Alec asked, lips quirking.  
            For the first time since he had appeared at the door, Felix showed some kind of life, “I thought you were trying to help me here, not drive me into a deeper depression.  _Star WARS_ , Alec,  _Star Wars_. It’s a fucking  _classic_.”  
            Alec considered it mission accomplished. “’Beam me up, Scotty’?”  
            Felix stared at him. “Why do I even bother?”  
            “You love me.” Alec grinned. He even got a small smile in response. “Why are you so worried about the rest of the unit?” Alec questioned, knowing he might actually get a response now that Felix was in a better mood…somewhat.  
            Felix didn’t quite clam up, but he certainly lost the half smile. “It’s…personal.”        
            Alec raised his eyebrows. “ _You_  have a  _personal_  problem?”  
            “It’s about to become your personal problem if you don’t shut up.” He growled.  
            Alec raised his hands, keeping his face easy and light. “Ok, ok. Sorry I pried. So…Keegan…” Felix fixed him with the same hard stare from before; Alec was losing ground. “Uh…you hungry? I could go for some pizza.”  
            Surprisingly, the harshness slid away, and Felix looked at him like he had just offered salvation. “Yes.”  
            Alec took the time on the phone to try to get an emotional read on Felix; however, the taller clone was a blank canvas, with only the odd  _connection_  flickering across his emotional landscape, something Alec had never experienced before. He was getting worried. Even more worrying was the fact that, after sitting back down, wrapping his hand in paper towels, Felix still remained silent.  
            A half hour passed. “Nice night.” Alec prompted, desperate to hear something from his unit mate.  
            To his surprise, Felix actually looked towards him, the ghost of a smile catching his lips. “Um-huh. Pizza dude’s got thirty seconds.”  
            Alec cocked an eyebrow. “By what arbitrary system did you figure that out?”  
            “ ‘There in thirty minutes or it’s free’?”  
            Alec resisted the urge to slap his forehead. “The fine print at the bottom of the ad says that’s an estimation, dumbass. Things like traffic, getting mugged, sector police…”  
            Felix made a face. “Well I call that false advertising.”  
            “Humans aren’t us, Felix. As much as we could probably run a better pizza delivery service…”  
            They fell into another uncomfortable silence. And then, Felix announced, “Time’s up. Three bucks off.”  
            “What?” Alec balked. “You can’t decide that!”  
            Felix grinned. “Wise man say,” He started in a very bad Japanese accent, “‘Forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza’.”  
            Alec opened his mouth to argue that he had never heard  _that_  Sunsu quote, but then he caught the fact that Felix’s grin had only widened. “…You’re quoting a movie again, aren’t you.”  
            “Cowabunga.”  
            “You do know television isn’t real, right?”  
            “Don’t traumatize me. I need my fantasy.”  
            “So I shouldn’t tell you about the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus then either?”  
            Felix cocked an eyebrow, head tilting. “Who?”  
            Alec stared at him in half shock, and then finally managed “All that tv and you still haven’t gotten the basic human misconceptions down.”  
            They lapsed into another uncomfortable silence, only broken by the pizza guy making his much later-then-thirty-minutes delivery. Alec had turned back around with the rather delicious smelling pizza in hand to find Felix attempting to rouse Keegan from her involuntary nap.  
            “I’d do that gently; she may have a concussion.” Felix shot him a glare and Alec shrugged half-heartedly, more concerned with not dropping the pizza. “You hit hard when you’re nervous. Don’t think I haven’t noticed or anything.”           
            There was something in Felix’s eyes that almost made Alec want to bolt. Almost. “I would  _never_  hurt her.” The feral protectiveness that surrounded the words was almost physical. “I aimed well.”  
            Alec swallowed, glancing towards Keegan, who was stirring. “You’re filling me in,” He said, resigning himself to being out of the loop for Felix’s particular bout of neurosis in regards to Keegan; he could only imagine what had transpired since he had last seen his unit mate. Felix finally blinked, and moved back to Keegan, making a noise in the back of his throat that sounded almost like a purr. Alec frowned a bit to himself, feeling an odd sense of intrusion at watching the two of them. And that made the pang of loneliness come right back, as if it had never left. He hurriedly went for the paper plates he had stashed in the kitchen.

            Mostly, he was hiding from the yelling that was bound to happen when Keegan fully regained consciousness; the female had a sharp tongue and vicious wit when she set her mind to it, and knocking her unconscious would have  _definitely_  set her off. However, all that heralded her alertness was a soft groan, and then, “I don’t like it out here, Felix.” Her voice took him back, back to their first away mission, where they were only eleven, fresh out of reindoctrination, and training in the back of Manticore, trusted only so much. 102 ( _he never had found her name…one day he would have to find out Jondy’s twin’s name_ ), had said that Keegan had sounded like a child, and right now, all Alec could picture was the adolescent 105, scared of leaving the compound for fear of a more torturous punishment.  
            He wasn’t surprised to hear Felix quietly whisper, “I know, Keely, I know. But its better then in there.” Alec was shocked, however, that he found himself almost disagreeing. He part of him wanted to go back…and that scared him.  It was in those times he had tried to cling to Max, to find some measure of Manticore outside of the walls; only he realized it wasn’t really Manticore he was looking for. The structure, the good equipment, damn, even the clean  _bathrooms_  were something he longed for, but his true desire was his pack, his unit, his  _kind_. And Max just treated him like he was some damn stray dog. The very thought made his lip curl, but he couldn’t muster any real anger for her; maybe because she was still a piece of home.  


  
_I am a little bit insecure a little unconfident,  
Cause you don't understand I do what I can,  
but sometimes I don't make sense.  
I am what you never wanna say but I've never had a doubt;  
It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you  
for once just to hear me out.  
So I let go watching you turn your back like you always do  
Face away and pretend that I'm not,  
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I've got._  
  
            It took him another five minutes to muster up the courage to enter the room, and by then, his stomach was growling loud enough to hear in the apartment next door. Predictably, the two looked up at him as one, eyes reflecting the dim light much like a cat’s. Alec always wondered how Manticore had never caught that rather large ‘oops’ in their DNA, but then again, they had never figured out the X5s didn’t need flashlights for missions either.  
            “Chow.” Alec said, tossing the plates to Felix, who caught them with one hand. He nodded to Keegan, “Nice to see you conscious.”  
            Keegan, rather predictably, made a face. “I’m glad to see you too, Alec, though currently, I’m not too happy to be seeing twins.”   
            Felix managed to look guilty and unrepentant at the same time. “You would have blown our cover.” The whine in his voice was something new to Alec, though; Felix was always quick with sarcasm, but usually dogged on Biggs or Alec for whining.  
            It was the whine that snapped everything into place, and Alec nearly lost hold of the pizza with the force of the epiphany. “You two  _mated_?!” In hindsight, there was much better ways to go about broaching that subject (and it wasn’t like he hadn’t taken Subtlety 101  _and_  102 back at The Man), but the idea that two of the best assassins Manticore ever produced tying themselves together like that while  _knowing_  the risks with the addition of having to go into hiding… Well, Felix always did have a ‘thing’ for Keegan, one that tended to make him a little stupid. Of course, the reverse was also true… “You do realize I wasn’t serious back at Manticore, right?”  
            Reason told him that the words ( _You two better end up mated!_ ) had nothing to do with the current situation; the hardening of both his unit-mates’ expressions informed him that he had just stepped in it, and deep.  
            “I could be really nasty right now…” Felix warned, his voice deep as his grip went white on the paper plates. They started to bend around where his fingers were gripping the paper.  
            “No need, I will;  _Sam_.” Keegan snarled, attempting to stand from the couch. However, despite the venom of her words, her body was far from ready for that move, and she pitched forward, straight into Alec.  
            He caught her as gently as he could, uncomfortably aware of Felix’s eyes on him, and then wrapped his arms around Keegan. “You’re a real bitch sometimes, but you’re right. That was in poor taste.”  
            It took her a minute to hug him back, but that was possibly because she was still reeling from her bout of vertigo. “Mating isn’t random, Alec. Not like we thought at all.”  
            Between her muffled words and the morose expression now clouding Felix’s face, Alec realized they had just hit the crux of the issue; the real reason Felix and Keegan had sought him out. “You guys figured out the trigger?”  
            “Obviously.” Felix grunted, shooting him a look that clearly stated who was the smarter clone. “Genetic compatibility.”  
            “But that’s not all,” Keegan said, taking a step back, and towards Felix, “If the feelings are there, heat kinda just…happens.” She hesitated. “Even if…even if the cycle already ended, or it’s too early… I don’t think there is a way you can stop a mating, Alec.”  
            He didn’t need to glance at Felix for confirmation, but the look on his clone’s face proved Keegan spoke true. “You wanted me to warn the others.” Alec stated, sympathy creeping in where he knew it wouldn’t be welcomed.  
            Felix nodded. “The last thing we need is more X5s mating and then getting possessive and tipping off the Ordinaries. We have to get out of the city,” He gestured towards the window, and presumably towards the woods that surrounded Seattle on three sides. “I can’t control this yet,  _Keegan_  can’t control this yet. We’re too…on edge around the humans…” Felix looked lost, “Our own, they know when to back off, can scent a mated X at least a hundred yards away. These humans are just too grabby, too…they lost what made them the most adaptive animal; they notice nothing that we read like they screamed it at us.”  
            Alec steeped his fingers, frowning. “Dude, they don’t scent anymore. They rarely have to read body language—let alone the subtle shifts that we, or any animal would—they don’t even  _walk_  without making so much noise they can’t hear anything around them. Why can’t you give them the stupid infant card and try to pass here?” He hoped he wouldn’t have to add the ‘I need you.’ To the end of the sentence.  
            He knew he lost the battle, even before Keegan gave him the sad smile. “Just wait till it happens to you. The second a human hits on your mate, you’re going to want to kill them; I kinda think it’s like, our instincts are freaking because ‘prey’ is approaching our mate like it’s an equal…”  
            Alec couldn’t help but smirk, as he noticed Felix was doing the same, grabbing a slice of the cooling pizza. “You’re never going to blend in fully if you think humans are prey.”  
            Keegan pinned him with her amber stare. “And you’re never going to stop twisting yourself up in knots if you don’t recognize that you think they’re prey too. We were designed and trained to. You can’t forget what you are…” She glanced down and away, not even meeting Felix’s eyes.  
            The pizza was gone much faster than it took to arrive, but Alec still felt rather empty inside. He was sure it wasn’t for lack of food; there was a definite air of ‘goodbye’ hanging in the apartment, even as they made small talk over beer and the crusts of ‘the works’ deluxe.  
            Especially when Felix turned to Keegan after a good hour and said, “Can you give us a minute?”  
            Alec felt like he was being sent to Renfro’s office, even as Keegan complained, “You had like, hours when I was out cold.” But she left anyway, heading for the hall of the apartment complex despite Alec’s silent pleas.  
            And then he was alone with his stronger, taller clone. Suddenly, he found himself a bit more worried about what possibly Felix had taken to help cope with being out of Manticore. “What’s up?” He hated the fact his voice caught.  
            He hated it even more when Felix smirked at him. “I’m worried about you.”  
            It was the last thing Alec expected to hear, and thus he felt justified when he chuckled, tossing out, “Oh,  _you’re_  worried about  _me_.”  
            Felix glared at him. “Yes. You’re acting like a human, and you’ve got nearly zero control over your feeling-empathy bullshit; half the time tonight I wasn’t sure whose emotions I was feeling.” Alec swallowed hard, not really wanting to understand. Felix sighed, apparently deciding to take pity and spell it out, despite the fact that Alec was quite happy in ‘the Nile’. “You need to find someone to go to ground with—and I’m not talking like Lola, or whatever; an X5. I thought I was really losing it out here; then I saw you.”  
            The words hit like a punch, and Alec felt his lip curl back. “I’m doing fine; I’m always alright.”  
            He nearly ended the night unconscious as Felix’s fist was suddenly a centimeter from his jaw—specifically the one sweet spot that would knock him cold. “You’re slow, you’re nervous, you  _move_  like one of them.” Felix pulled his hand back, and Alec pretended he hadn’t been surprised. More importantly, Felix let him. “Unless…”  
            The thoughtful tone scared Alec. “Unless what?”  

            “Unless you  _are_  keeping company with another transgenic, and it just happens to be one of the…oh, nine I think that have been pretending to be human for a little over ten years now.”   
            He must have done a terrible job of masking his face, because Felix rolled his eyes and cursed rather vividly. “Fuck, Alec, she only  _looks_  like Sam! And she burned down our home! With our people in it!”  
            “Are  _you_  staying?” Alec shot back. “She saved my life, the micro—“  
            “The micro-explosive thing we could have gotten out of you and all you would have had to do was find us.” Felix cocked an eyebrow, “And you can still come with us. You’re our CO; we’re hoping to rendezvous with the rest of the Phoenix unit…” Felix trialed off, catching Alec’s subtle head shake. “Then you better watch it, man. I can already see where this is going.”  
            “You’re Mr-Drug-Addict, and you’re telling  _me_  I have a problem?” Alec demanded.  
            Felix was back to his Manticore blank, which was only more infuriating. Alec punched a wall, only slightly pleased when a good chunk of plaster came away with his hand. “Fine, no problem. My cell is the first sixteen of my barcode. I’ll tell Keegan you said bye.”  
            Maybe it was Alec’s imagination, but he was sure that Felix  _sounded_  disappointed as he left.  
  
 _Hear me out now!  
You're gonna listen to me, like it or not,  
Right now!!  
I can't feel the way I did before;  
Don't turn your back on me,  
I won't be ignored!!_  
  
            He wasn’t sure exactly when the idea struck him, (logically, it was somewhere between his first and second attempts to regain emotional control through meditation…but he might have fallen asleep at some point), but it hit hard.  
            He was trying to live on the fringe like a human, and barely skating by. Max pretended she was human, and did pretty well, aside from some rather horrible choices regarding tactics.  He was trained to infiltrate humans perfectly; to blend in like he belonged, but never forgetting what he was. He could get a job…double bonus if that Jam Pony was hiring; he could maybe bring Max around to the joys of being transgenic in this piss poor excuse for a post-apocalyptic world.  
            Maybe he could even get her to see him…No. He wasn’t going there because he certainly  _had not_  followed her because of Sam. No. But when he saw her expression of exasperation/amusement/annoyance when he appeared at Jam Pony the next day, he was quite certain he was right; this had nothing to do with Sam, and everything to do with Max. Sam never looked that adorable when she was pissed.  
            And Sam certainly hadn’t spent so much effort ignoring him; and he had never had so much fun going out of his way to be noticed.  _Operation: Wake Up Max is officially underway,_ he thought, wryly, grinning as his new boss ordered her to show him around. _Maybe…she’ll actually see._ He didn’t know what he would do if she didn’t. He privately agreed with Felix; being human was not good for him. He only wished the rest of his clone’s words made more sense…  
  
 _  
Don't turn your back on me,  
I won't be ignored!!_  
  
lyrics:  _Feint_  by Linkin Park


End file.
